I have taken some time off from writing in order to get my head back on straight. Losing my job has been really hard. Not that it’s easy for anyone but for me this time it especially hurt. I put up with a lot this year. I started in 3rd grade and 2 months in I was moved to 1st grade. It was an adjustment for sure. I have many in my opinion undiagnosed children in my class and I have one child in my class who because of his condition can be violent. I have cried many times and wanted to quit a time or two.
I put my heart and soul into this job and was once again not reappointed. The worst part is with most jobs you get fired and that’s it. You pack your stuff up and head home. In my case, I had to finish out the school year. I have to keep putting in the work knowing I am not going to be there next year. No matter how I’m feeling I have to suck it up and go in every day with as much of a positive attitude as I can.
I have attended two job fairs for my school district so far. The first one was just kind of a way for the school’s administration to see what talent was out there. I don’t think many people got hired on the spot at that event. The second one I attended was open to anyone. I went with a good attitude and walked out with nothing solid. I had two good interviews while I was there. One, in particular, was really good. I’m still waiting to hear back. I followed up with an email my status is still pending.
I’m currently in a certification program to get my professional certificate. I enrolled before all of this happened and am almost done with the first required class. I am supposed to enroll in a summer course but if I don’t gain employment I will get kicked out of the program. It really took a lot for me to complete this weeks assignment knowing all this information. In some ways, I feel like it’s a waste of time to complete the course but since I started I have decided to finish.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this whole situation. I am in some ways relieved that I don’t have to be at this school anymore. It’s been an adventure to say the least and its nice to know it’s almost over. But at the same time, I am sad because I truly enjoy some aspects of my current school. I have a great team of colleagues, I know the school processes, and I know what to expect. The thought of going to another school and starting from scratch is terrifying.
In a lot of ways, I feel like I’ve lost my purpose. I knew what my purpose was before and now I’m feeling like maybe that wasn’t it. I have wanted to be a teacher for a long time and now that I’m finally doing it and not succeeding in the eyes of my administration I feel defeated and lost. I was so sure before that this is what I wanted for myself and now I’m not so sure.
I also took a backseat to a lot of things I was working on. I mentioned before that my fiance Adam has a web development company and I have been helping him a lot with social media stuff. With all this going on I lost my steam and put that on hold as well. This week I have put my feelings aside and I am starting to get my groove back. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn’t helping me. It’s just making a lot of extra work for me and makes me feel bad. I let this situation suck the joy out of my life. I am usually really positive and lately, I haven’t cared very much. I let personal stuff go to the side and let my work pile up. I should have picked my self up by the bootstraps a lot sooner and I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed right now.
The best piece of advice I have for anyone going through something similar is that you can’t give up on yourself. It’s hard not to because of the frustration and self-doubt. I know I have been there and I’m still climbing out of it. Do not let your feelings cloud your purpose. If you are passionate about what you do and truly put in the time then it’s not a waste of time even if it doesn’t work out. I know that I’m good at my job. I was dealt a bad hand when I went to school without any prior knowledge. I didn’t know what I was walking into and I had no idea how to prepare. I have finally found a rhythm and the school year is almost over. I truly believe that I can handle just about any school with the experience I have gained this year.