Life Event

The Advice I Should Have Taken

One moment in my life that I will never forget happened at my first wedding. No, it wasn’t the marriage ceremony or the reception after but right before I walked down the aisle my dad turned to me and asked me if I really wanted to do this. He said it was ok if I didn’t want to and he would handle everything. For a split second, I thought about it. What if I didn’t go through with this.

The better question to me was why would my dad ask me that and give me an out right before I’m about to work down the aisle. I had family and friends from all over, there to celebrate with us. How could I just call the whole thing off right there at the ceremony? I quickly shook off those thoughts and told him I wanted to go through with it. Looking back on that moment now that I’m divorced and engaged to someone else things are a lot more clear.

The Meeting

When I met my now ex-husband I was 25 and just entering graduate school. I was going back to school to get my masters degree in school guidance and counseling. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months and wasn’t looking to get into anything serious. I recently had reconnected with a friend of mine that was also my ex’s cousin. We agreed to meet up and she brought him and a friend of his with her. I remember when I was in middle school around 12 years old, he was about 16. I thought he was so cute! Now here he was 13 years later.

I remember re-meeting him and being really annoyed with him. I was looking to enjoy the single life and here this guy was flirting with me none stop. I told my mom later on that he was annoying and I wasn’t interested in dating him. I’m not sure what happened after that that made me think otherwise but after chatting on MySpace (yes you read that right MySpace) we decided to go out. After that, we were an item. We dated for about 2 years and got engaged.

The Engagement

The engagement was nothing to write home about. But I’ll share the story anyway. We had been talking about getting married and going to look at rings. We went to the local mall and went to a couple of jewelry stores finally settling on Jared. So yes ladies he went to Jared!

We picked out a ring setting. It was gorgeous! It was platinum and had several smaller diamonds on it. I had a loose diamond at my parent’s house that belonged to my late grandmother to put in the center. We purchased the ring setting or I should say I purchased it and we went over to my parent’s house. My mom was so excited she grabbed the diamond and wanted to go back to the jewelry store and have it put in the setting. We did that and here I had this ring that I bought (yes you read that right, I bought it) but he never really asked me to marry him.

We went home and at this point, I had been wearing the ring all day. He still had not asked me to marry him. Later that night we were laying in bed about to go to sleep I finally said: “do I need to take this ring off?” He replied with a quick unromantic “will you marry me?” I said yes and the rest was history. When people asked me about it, I jokingly said I asked myself to marry myself. I guess that should have sent up red flags but for some reason, I didn’t care at the time. Looking back now I think I was distracted by the new shiny ring I bought myself.

Wedding Planning Mode

We got engaged in April and set a date to get married in November. We went into full wedding planning mode. My parents and I planned the whole thing. We got invitations made, bought a dress, organized the food, everything! It was a stressful time and looking back if I was going to have a fancy wedding again I would hire a planner. All of it happened in a whirl and by the time I knew it it was time to get married.

The Wedding

The wedding was amazing! We held it at my ex-husband’s grandparents house on a beautiful piece of property. It was a gorgeous fall day in Florida in November. We had guests from all over the country ready to celebrate with us. People to this day still talk about the DJ and how much fun they had at the reception.

I should have seen all the red flags going into this marriage. My ex was very social and always wanted to hang out with people. He drank a lot and so did his friends. I am not a drinker and I have always been kind of a loner. I should have seen how these things would bother me in the future. But I was caught up in the moment and clearly not thinking.

The Aftermath

I won’t get into too much detail about the divorce and things that went wrong but looking back on it now I should have known things weren’t all sunshine and roses and he wasn’t the man for me. Now that I’m divorced and actually in a happy loving relationship I can see that the relationship with my ex was a hot mess. I should have taken my dads advice and made a run for it. But then I wouldn’t have my 2 wonderful girls and they are the best part of that relationship.

I am more certain than ever that my fiance is the man for me. I love him more than I ever loved my ex. That might sound hurtful but it’s true. I’ve come a long way since then and I’m looking forward to what the future holds. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is “It’s not your job to fix someone and someone that sucks the happiness out of you isn’t your soulmate.” So don’t go into a marriage thinking you can fix the other person. I mean we all do change over time but when someone who is stuck in their ways is probably not going to change that much